Let Your Booty Be
Show me a person who has zero insecurities, and I'll show you a big fat liar.
I have spent a great deal of time feeling Less Than, because my body never fit into a made-up version of what other people want to see. Here's the thing: what other people? My husband likes how I look. My son doesn't give a flip about my size or shape. My friends don't care if I show up to their home in a housecoat and slippers, so probably they don't mind when my arm jiggles as I wave hello. Who are all these people I'm trying to impress? Strangers? Car salesmen? Other moms who have the same body issues? Squirrels in the back yard? Why are we (yes we - it's all of us, in one way or another) trying to impress any of these beings?
We've all heard people talk about how whats-her-face really let herself go, and most of us have at least thought it in our own heads. First of all, wrap those comments into a tight little ball and shove them straight up your wazoo. Yeah yeah, when Jane Prom Queen shows up to your ten year reunion looking like she had an allergic bee sting, it can be shocking. Practice your not-surprised face before you leave the house, because Jane almost didn't show up with her extra 25 pounds - and she is on high alert for those raised eyebrows and guppy mouths. Our "I can't believe she died" face should not be the same as our "I can't believe she got FAT" reaction!
Second of all, if we are judging everyone else, it is probably because we are pissed at ourselves. If I didn't feel like Fiona the hippo in a bathing suit, I wouldn't be having hateful laughter when the supermodel-Esq mom trips over her sarong and flails ungracefully into the pool. Maybe Supermodel Pool Mom is recovering from butt implants because she felt like a boy-bod all her life and now she can't balance the new booty, and I'm over here being a jerk in my born-with Kardashian ass. If we can't get over our own issues, we are going to keep hating on everyone else.
Thirdly, if you want to be mad at your body, make sure you understand your issues. Get good and clear on your ideals. Do I really need an unattainable goal - like fitting into my sister's size 2 skinny jeans - or is that an airbrushed magazine cover talking? Get real. Our bodies were not meant to look like anyone else. They were not made to stay the same over decades. Our bodies were created with the intention of growing, building, changing, and eventually deteriorating. There is only so much we can do to slow our programming. At 40, I am not supposed to look 20, yet I have berated myself relentlessly for failing to defy these rules. I mean, "what have I done wrong? My body keeps doing what it's supposed to do!" Come on.
When we hold ourselves to impossible standards, we are setting ourselves up to feel Less Than.
I have spent a great deal of time feeling Less Than, because my body never fit into a made-up version of what other people want to see. Here's the thing: what other people? My husband likes how I look. My son doesn't give a flip about my size or shape. My friends don't care if I show up to their home in a housecoat and slippers, so probably they don't mind when my arm jiggles as I wave hello. Who are all these people I'm trying to impress? Strangers? Car salesmen? Other moms who have the same body issues? Squirrels in the back yard? Why are we (yes we - it's all of us, in one way or another) trying to impress any of these beings?
We've all heard people talk about how whats-her-face really let herself go, and most of us have at least thought it in our own heads. First of all, wrap those comments into a tight little ball and shove them straight up your wazoo. Yeah yeah, when Jane Prom Queen shows up to your ten year reunion looking like she had an allergic bee sting, it can be shocking. Practice your not-surprised face before you leave the house, because Jane almost didn't show up with her extra 25 pounds - and she is on high alert for those raised eyebrows and guppy mouths. Our "I can't believe she died" face should not be the same as our "I can't believe she got FAT" reaction!
Second of all, if we are judging everyone else, it is probably because we are pissed at ourselves. If I didn't feel like Fiona the hippo in a bathing suit, I wouldn't be having hateful laughter when the supermodel-Esq mom trips over her sarong and flails ungracefully into the pool. Maybe Supermodel Pool Mom is recovering from butt implants because she felt like a boy-bod all her life and now she can't balance the new booty, and I'm over here being a jerk in my born-with Kardashian ass. If we can't get over our own issues, we are going to keep hating on everyone else.
Thirdly, if you want to be mad at your body, make sure you understand your issues. Get good and clear on your ideals. Do I really need an unattainable goal - like fitting into my sister's size 2 skinny jeans - or is that an airbrushed magazine cover talking? Get real. Our bodies were not meant to look like anyone else. They were not made to stay the same over decades. Our bodies were created with the intention of growing, building, changing, and eventually deteriorating. There is only so much we can do to slow our programming. At 40, I am not supposed to look 20, yet I have berated myself relentlessly for failing to defy these rules. I mean, "what have I done wrong? My body keeps doing what it's supposed to do!" Come on.
When we hold ourselves to impossible standards, we are setting ourselves up to feel Less Than.
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